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What's the hardest part of making monster soup?
Stirring it.
What did the monster say when he ate a herd of gnus?
" . . . and that's the end of the gnus."
MONSTER: How much do you charge for dinner here?
WAITER: £20 a head, sir.
MONSTER: And how much for a couple of legs, as well?
FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner?
SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone's been eaten.
Why don't monsters eat penguins?
Because they can't get the wrappers off.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush-hour train full of passengers?
Oh good! A chew-chew train!
What do monsters like eating most in restaurants?
The waiters!
Where do greedy monsters fiend their babies?
Under the guzzle-berry bush.
FIRST MONSTER: I fancy eating the city of Hong Kong tonight. Care to join me?
SECOND MONSTER: No thanks, I can't stand Chinese food.
FIRST MONSTER: I don't think much of your wife.
SECOND MONSTER: Never mind-eat the vegetables instead.
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