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When is a clock nervous?
When it is all wound up.
When is an army totally destroyed?
When it is in quarters.
When things go wrong, what can you always count on?
Your fingers.
Where is the best place to hide a lawyer?
In a brief case.
Which is better: "The house burned down" or "The house burned up?"
Neither. They are both bad.
Who were the the first gamblers?
Adam and Eve. They had a paradise (pair of dice).
Why are farmers cruel?
Because they pull corn by the ears.
Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?
Because of all the tellers.
Why couldn't the clock be kept in jail?
Because time was always running out.
Why did the chicken run away from home?
Because she was tired of being cooped up.
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