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5 Secrets Happy Couples Know That Most Don’t

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When you’re striving to achieve that happy relationship, it is easy to look at other couples and feel like there’s just something missing in your own. The fact is, relationships can be a bit of a mystery, and sometimes, two people seem like they just click. Nevertheless, the happiest couples you know—the ones in a long-term relationship who seem just as happy as they were in the beginning—likely have a few secrets. Take a look at five secrets happy couples know that most don’t. 

1. Arguments can be productive

If you want to know the secret to a good relationship, find a happy couple and watch them argue. This is pretty much impossible, but the thing is, arguments are not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, some professionals claim that couples that aren’t arguing are usually the couples that split because a lack of heated conflict can be a sign of indifference; no one cares enough to fight. Productive arguments involve active listening, making requests over complaints, and taking timeouts when needed. 

2. Autonomy is important

Autonomy is all about individual interests, values, and interests. No two people are ever going to be exactly alike, and you should never enter a relationship with expectations that your partner will be just like you. The happiest couples involve two people who retain their own individual personalities and interests and appreciate the other person in spite of their differences. In other words, you don’t sacrifice yourself and your interests to please your partner, and you should never expect them to either. 

3. Never stop having fun together

The happiest couples involve fun and, well, happiness. Remember what it was like when you first met your partner? Think about all the excitement that came from doing new things together, making each other laugh, and simply enjoying each other’s company. It is easy to let these things fall by the wayside once you move beyond the infatuation stage of a relationship, but these fun times are a bond that keeps two people together. 

4. It’s better to have hurt feelings than dishonesty

Trust is a pillar of a good relationship. The one thing that can ruin that supportive pillar is dishonesty. Any happy couple will tell you that being open, honest, and vulnerable is incredibly important, even when doing so may provoke an undesirable response from your partner. For example, if you’ve done something you know will cause your partner to be disappointed in you, fess up and face that disappointment head-on. Otherwise, if your partner discovers the issue later and sees that you lied, this puts a crack in ever-important trust. 

5. Long-term relationships require semi-long-term work

Good relationships don’t usually happen by accident—they take ongoing work from both parties. Psychology Today lists off a handful of things most couples have to work on: committed listening, honesty, being vulnerable with your partner, and learning to let go of control. The good news is, this period of "work" may not last forever, but the same effort should always be given even in the long term. In other words, happy couples usually go through a period of working hard to achieve contentedness, and then when new issues arise, they tackle them with an open mind instead of giving up. 

New to Watercolor? 5 Tips to Make Your Paintings Stand Out

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Watercolor is an unruly medium, characterized by dribbles of paint, colors that run and indistinct forms on paper. Getting started with watercolor is different from other forms of paint, because of the medium’s chaotic and difficult to control nature. If you’re new to this medium, knowing what to expect can help you adjust to this type of painting. The following tips can help. Here’s what you need to know. 

1. Experiment with Different Styles

There are many styles of watercolor. Experimenting with each type can help you find the style that works best for you. 

  • Wet on wet. To paint wet on wet, apply water to a piece of paper using a clean brush. Next, apply paint to the wetted paper. The paint will run. Just how much the paint runs depends on how much water is on the paper. Allow the paint to dry.
  • Wet on dry. Apply wet paint to a dry paper, then allow the paint to dry on the paper to see how the paint looks.
  • Color blending. To create blended colors, apply wet paint of different colors to a dry paper. Allow the wet areas of paint to combine and blend. You’ll notice that the colors remain pure near the edges, but the colors blend in the middle. 
  • Mixed medium. See what happens when you mix water color with other mediums like pencil, pen and ink, markers and pastels. 

2. Don’t Get Too Precious About Your Paintings

Watercolor is a difficult to control medium that produces unexpected results on a regular basis. Even artists who have been painting with watercolor for years are often surprised by the results of their efforts. 

Let go of the idea that your watercolor paintings will look in a certain way, especially in these first paintings. Don’t try to achieve perfection. Instead, devote yourself to experimenting with the medium, seeing how the paint takes to the paper, and what happens when you apply paint to varying wet and dry conditions. 

3. Invest In Good Materials

Not all watercolor materials are created equal. Purchase a small set of good quality water color paint. Do not splurge on a lot of paint at first. Wait until you know what brands and colors you like best before investing in a larger set of colors.  

The quality of your watercolor paper also matters. Poor quality watercolor paper will buckle when it becomes too wet, creating an uneven application of paint. If you’re not sure which watercolor materials are good brands or which brands perform best, talk to a clerk at the art store when making your purchase.  

4. Start Light and Add Dark Paint As You Go

One of the ways that watercolor paint is distinctly different from other types of paint is that you can’t subtract or overwrite the paint once it’s on the paper. This is because watercolor is a transparent medium. While you can add more paint to the paper, you can never lighten what is already in the image. 

To avoid mistakes, start by applying light paint to the paper. Add darker paint as you add details to your image.  

5. Paint Every Day

The most important thing you can do to learn how to paint with watercolor is to paint every day, and practice as often as possible. Watercolor can be tricky, but the more time you invest in your new hobby, the happier you’ll be with the results. 

Posted in Art

Is It Ever Ok To Ghost Someone?

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Ghosting is the practice of suddenly ending all communication with another person without any apparent reason or warning. It’s most often used in reference to social media or other electronic forms of communication. Although the term typically refers to dating and romantic relationships, it’s also used in Platonic or work situations. Although there are many advantages to virtual communication, the lack of face-to-face contact has contributed to an impersonal social environment. At worst, this type of social environment treats individuals as if they are disposable. Keep in mind that every time you ghost someone, you’re actually helping to normalize a behavior that’s ultimately unhealthy for society as a whole. 

 

Why We Ghost

Ghosting happens more often when the two parties haven’t met. The typical scenario is that two people start talking through a dating app, have a few virtual conversations, and one person stops answering or initiating text communications. There is a train of thought among many people that ghosting and being ghosted as part of the dating game in the 21st century. However, a more mature approach is to be direct but kind instead of just disappearing. The other person is often left confused about what happened, and they may even blame themselves. 

Many people ghost because they’ve realized that the relationship has no future. Although it is understandable to cut things off when you sense the relationship is going nowhere, you will be a better person if you resist the impulse to ghost someone. Besides needlessly hurting the other person, ghosting also makes you look bad. If you develop a reputation for ghosting, others will see you as too immature to be considered relationship material. This will ultimately be bad for your self-esteem. 

Is Ghosting Ever OK?

Nonetheless, there are some very valid reasons to ghost another person. For instance, if you suspect that you’ve been texting with a predatory or abusive person, the best thing to do is ghost that person for your own safety. Those with bad intentions often hang around dating sites, and bad intentions don’t always mean sexual predation. Scammers sometimes use dating apps to connect with kind-hearted people likely to fall for hard luck stories and send them money. Others are merely catfishing for their own entertainment. Listen to your instincts if they tell you to cut off communication with someone for the sake of your own safety.

If you feel tempted to ghost someone, take a hard look at your motives. Are there genuine red flags that would justify ghosting, or do you simply want to avoid a difficult conversation? Even though ghosting someone may seem like the easy way out, you will be a better person if you treat people the way you would wish to be treated yourself in the same situation. 

5 Signs to Know that You Are In a Toxic Friendship

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Some friendships are not meant to be. You may have been drawn to a person at first because you shared the same interests or had mutual friends. But over time, you’ve noticed that you just don’t enjoy being around that person anymore.

It’s possible that you may have just outgrown this relationship. But it’s also possible that you may be in a toxic friendship. As the name suggests, a toxic friendship can be poisonous to your mental well-being. 

Not sure if your friendship is healthy or not? Then, please check out these 5 signs of a toxic friendship.

Number one. Everything is always about them.

You may be having the worst day ever. But don’t expect any sympathy from a toxic friend. Life is always going to be about them. So, even if you’re feeling down and in need of comforting, you can expect your toxic friend to try to make the situation about themselves.

The same will be true if something good should happen to you. A toxic friend is always going to try and upstage you or find some other way to steal the limelight. 

Number two. You can’t trust the other person. 

When you have a true friend, you can trust them. If you make plans, they’ll be there. And if you tell them a secret, they’ll keep it to themselves. 

A toxic friend, on the other hand, will have no problem ditching you, especially if something better comes along. They also tend to be two-faced, telling you one thing. But then saying something different behind your back. 

Number three. They’re always gas lighting you. 

Gas lighting is a form of emotional abuse. It happens when someone tries to make you question your perception of reality. For example, let’s say that your toxic friend insults you. If you were to call them out on it, they would probably claim it was only a joke. Or they might even deny ever saying the insult. It’s also possible that your friend will try to play the victim by accusing you of being overly sensitive. 

Number four. Life around your friend is a constant drama. 

Some people thrive on drama and chaos. They love to create huge scenes, often making a big deal out of nothing. In fact, they’ll do just about anything to draw attention to themselves. 

It can be very exhausting to be around this type of person. Especially since, you’re often the one left to mop up the messes that your toxic friend has created. 

Number five. You feel worse when you’re with this person than when you’re not. 

Do you cringe when you see that your toxic friend is calling? Do you feel mentally exhausted after spending time with your friend? Those are signs that your friendship is not healthy. In a true friendship, you should feel valued and happy. 

There is also give and take in a true friendship. In a toxic relationship, it will feel like the other person is always taking from you — taking your time, your energy, or your resources. 

 

The Surprising Neuroscience Of Arts And Crafts

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Do you enjoy arts and crafts? It seems like a simple enough hobby, but it turns out that arts and crafts are helping neuroscientists unlock secrets of the brain.

Let’s look at one such study from the National Institute of Health that really demonstrates the value of arts and crafts.

The research has established that the part of your brain responsible for creativity can’t be pinned down to a specific region. Instead, the entire brain is involved with creativity, and it leads to some interesting implications.

The study was able to show that even after significant brain trauma, creativity was unhindered. Artists who lose the ability to even speak can often continue their art. This shows that creative processes can find new ways to function, even in a significantly damaged brain.

The same research suggests that practicing any form of art can help you develop your own creativity. Your brain can be just as resilient if you regularly participate in arts and crafts.

A different study published in PLOS ONE involved research with retirees in Germany. This study looked at the differences between creating and viewing art. The researchers were specifically wondering if viewing a painting had the same impact on the brain and creativity as making the painting. 

The short answer is that there was a noticeable difference. The longer answer is that creating art is amazing for something called psychological resilience. 

How do they know that? The study used fMRI scans on participants while they were subjected to stressful situations. The fMRI scans were completed once a week for 10 weeks. Over that same period, participants either created visual art or simply viewed art for one day each week. There was also a control group that did neither.

Subsequent scans showed that after 10 weeks, those creating art had measurably higher psychological resilience. This actually lines up pretty well with the NIH study from earlier.

Combine the two studies, and you can see that arts and crafts help you develop a more resilient brain, and at the same time, you will be better able to handle stress.

But, that’s not the only way that arts and crafts can be good for your brain. A third study published at the NCBI shows that arts and crafts can help you learn, and that is true at all stages of life. Whether you want to pick up a new skill, or you are recovering from a brain injury of your own, arts and crafts might be the key to the whole process.

How does that work? According to the research, arts and crafts engage something called mirror neurons in your brain. These are stimulated by hands-on activities. When mirror neurons are active, your brain is better able to mimic actions. But, this isn’t just copying behavior. The mirror neurons help to reinforce active learning, and that can help you develop skills and retain new knowledge much faster. Because you’re doing arts and crafts, you are also engaging your sense of creativity, allowing mirror neurons across all regions of your brain to fire.

In this way, arts and crafts essentially supercharge your brain to improve your ability to learn.

 

You can learn to be more assertive – here’s how

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What does it mean to be assertive?

Being assertive means showing respect for yourself AND for others. 

It’s not being a doormat. It’s not being a pushover or being afraid to say “no.” 

And it’s not being aggressive either. It’s not being a bully or forcing other people to do things your way. 

It’s about standing up for what you want in a way that honors the other person too.

Some people may be born with a knack for being assertive. But anyone can learn how to be more assertive.  Here’s how:

Number one. Tell people what you need or want.

People can’t read your mind. If you expect others to magically know what you need, you may be waiting a very long time.

Telling people what you need in a non-threatening way is the first step to getting your needs met.

Number two. Practice saying “no.”

People pleasers get in the habit of saying “yes” to almost everything. Even if it’s something they don’t have time for or don’t want to do.  

Start with something easy. Maybe you could say “no, thank you” to someone trying to give you a product sample in a store. Work your way up slowly to more challenging situations.

Number three. Use the “broken record” technique.

Some people refuse to take “no” for an answer. They will ask you to do something, and if you say no, they will ask you again. And again and again.

You have a right to say “no” without explaining. If they keep on insisting, just keep repeating the same answer. Say, “no, I’m not going to do that.”

Repeat the same line every time they try to push you into doing what they want. Be calm and polite, but firm. Eventually, they will get tired and give up.

Number four. Use “I” statements.

Assertive people start their requests with “I.” Telling someone “You should do this,” is aggressive and bullying.

If you say, instead, “I would like to do this,” you are not attacking the other person. It’s much better for the relationship!

Number five. Believe in yourself.

The more you are assertive, the more you will feel empowered. The more empowered you feel, the more you believe in yourself. 

It works the other way too. The more you believe in yourself, the more you will feel empowered to be assertive. That’s called a “virtuous circle.”

Become aware of the critical voice in your head. Don’t believe everything it says! Don’t be any meaner to yourself than you would be to a good friend. 

If you catch your critical voice saying harsh things, remind yourself of the ways that the voice is wrong. For example, if your inner critic says, “You can’t do anything right,” think about something that you HAVE done beautifully. 

As the old poem says: Like the trees and the stars, you deserve to be here. 

 

Simple ways to improve your sleep quality

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Good sleep is one of the best ways to improve your health. Sleep is right up there with diet and exercise as one of the key factors in wellness. Still, too many of us toss and turn at night and wake up tired. The good news: a few changes to your daily routine can vastly improve how well you sleep.

Here are seven simple steps to better slumber.

1. Maintain a Consistent Sleep Schedule

Go to bed at about the same time every night and get up at the same time in the morning. As much as possible, maintain this routine through the weekend. It might be a hard habit to get started, but most people come to like it over time.

Also, stay out of bed for reading and miscellaneous activities. Use your bed only for sleeping and romance.

2. Create a Sleep-Friendly Bedroom

Your bedroom should be quiet and dark with a comfortable temperature. Consider darkening shades if there are streetlights outside.

Remove electronic devices. If you have a home office in the bedroom, shut your laptop at night and put it in a drawer. You may not be aware of the blue light that phones and devices put out, but your body notices. They make it seem like daytime.

Your bedroom walls should be a relaxing color. Many experts favor light blue. The room should be neat and free of clutter. Even when the lights are off, you carry the feel of your surroundings to bed with you.

3. Exercise Daily

Being physically active during the day builds a routine that helps your body distinguish between day and night. If you’ve been active, you’ll generally fall asleep and stay asleep more easily.

4. Be Smart with Naps

Short daily naps can be part of a healthy lifestyle, but long naps or late naps can keep you from sleeping at night. For most people, that means avoiding naps longer than about 25 minutes or later than 3:00 PM.

5. Avoid Large Meals, Alcohol and Caffeine Near Bedtime

A light snack is fine, but big meals need to be digested. Both alcohol and heavy foods might help you fall asleep, but you’re likely to wake up during the night and stay awake while your body processes the food and drink.

Caffeine is, of course, a stimulant that will keep you from reaching dreamland in the first place. Most people do well to avoid coffee and caffeinated soda later than early afternoon.

6. Establish an Evening Routine

Make the last hour of the day an hour for you. Listen to some gentle music, do some light reading, meditate or enjoy some relaxing breathing exercises. Most important, put away your electronic devices for this hour of winding down.

7. Sleep with a Good Mattress, Pillow and Bedding

There are more good mattresses available than ever before. Don’t neglect a pillow that fits your sleep style and comfy sheets. This is not merely an expense. It’s an investment in your health.

5 Time Management Tips To Make You Happier And More Productive

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Time management is a valuable tool to help with productivity and happiness. When you are productive, you focus on tasks and enjoy the process of accomplishing your goals. By finishing projects and accomplishing goals, you become a happier individual.

Clarify Priorities

Set clear priorities for your day. Prioritizing your tasks will help you complete the items that are most important and allow you to stay on task for your goals. When you do not prioritize tasks, you end up floundering and wasting time on the details that are not important.

Write a list with the most important tasks at the top. Work down to the least important tasks of your day. When you sit down to work on a project, start with the tasks at the top of your list and get done with the most important tasks first.

Set a Time Limit for Tasks

Set a time limit on every task throughout your day. Expect each task to take roughly three times the estimated amount of time you need for the task. Set aside enough time to finish a project or task within the time limit.

A time limit sets a deadline and helps you stay on track to achieve goals. If you do not have a clear time limit or deadline, then you can easily get overwhelmed or procrastinate.

Set Clear Boundaries

Set boundaries on your time. For example, say no to extra work when it does not fit in with your plans and goals. Boundaries help you stay on task and prevent you from feeling overwhelmed.

Don’t be afraid to say not to an employer, friends, family members, or others in your life. Be clear on your boundaries and make sure that you follow through with your boundaries when dealing with other individuals.

Take Breaks

Efficiency and productivity is not only about the time you spend on each project. It also relates to the time you take for relaxation and breaks. Plan out breaks in your day and week.

When you take breaks, you become more productive with your projects. It helps you stay on task and accomplish your goals without getting distracted when you are working. Furthermore, regular breaks help you stay happy and energetic throughout your day.

Plan Ahead

Always plan ahead to avoid wasted time and unnecessary hassles. While a plan does not always work out perfectly, it does help you stay on task and accomplish your goals. Plan out a basic schedule for your day-to-day tasks and then plan out additional details the night before or in the morning. Set aside a specific time to plan ahead for a day, week, and month. You can even set long-term plans that are subject to change based on the results of shorter plans and projects.

Effective time management helps you become productive and happy. When you accomplish your goals, it improves your happiness. Furthermore, a productive lifestyle ensures that you finish projects and keep up with new plans. By focusing on your priorities, planning ahead, and taking measures to improve your focus, it is possible to accomplish any goal.

5 Easy Study Tips To Help You Learn Faster And Remember More

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College classes require students to take in vast amounts of information. If you struggle with learning, you may have trouble passing tests. One of the best kept secrets to doing well in college has to do with memory. If you can teach yourself to learn faster and remember more, your grades will reflect that. Here are five easy study tips to help you do just that.

1. Find Your Best Study Time

Number one on our list is to figure out when your best study time is. When are you most alert? When is your focus razor sharp? For some people, it’s early in the morning before anyone else is awake. For others, the dark of night is ideal, while others are sleeping soundly. Find out when you easily slip into study mode. Then schedule your study time during those hours.

2. Get Plenty of Rest

Don’t pull all-nighters. All-night study sessions aren’t conducive to memorizing. When you don’t get enough sleep, your brain can’t store new information where it belongs. That means your powers of recall will be lacking. You will be less likely to be able to remember answers when you’re operating on less sleep. Instead, follow study sessions with plenty of sleep. Six hours is a minimum, but college students usually need at least eight hours of solid sleep.

3. Talk it Out

You might think it sounds crazy, but talking things out helps you to remember information. Instead of just highlighting important passages in your textbook, read it aloud. You could even do something more strange, but highly effective. You could ask yourself questions that you think might be on the test. Then you have to answer them back to yourself. Do this all out loud. You’ll be amazed how much more information you  can retain this way. You might want to do this in private though. Your roommates might think you’ve developed a problem of talking to yourself!

4. Use the Mnemonic Technique

A mnemonic is a way to remember things that’s just a little trick. For example, if you have to remember a list of items, just use the first letter of each item to make a word. For example, if the list is osmosis, cellular and keratin, then rearrange the first letters to make the work “tok.” Then you can think of the social media platform Tick Tok, which should trigger your memory for the three words.

5. Make a Jingle

Last on our list is to make a jingle. If you enjoy music, try making little jingles out of information you need to memorize. Make a song out of long texts that are otherwise boring. When test time comes, just sing the little tune in your head to recall all the right answers. You can make it even easier if you can write jingles that rhyme.

Use these five tips to help you learn faster and easier, and remember more of what you read.

What Are The Benefits Of Knowing Your Myers-Briggs Profile?

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The Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a personality test that classifies people into 16 types, based on four pairs of indicators. These pairs include the following:

  • Extraversion/Introversion
  • Sensing/Intuition
  • Thinking/Feeling
  • Judgment/Perception

The MBTI is one of the most widely used personality assessments, with about two million test administered annually. It’s most common use is in predicting career preferences, rather than ability. The MBTI provides the following five benefits.

1. Improve Decision-making Skills

The MBTI shows that people use distinct mechanisms to make decisions, which often occur at a sub-conscious level. The way you make decisions can shape your life, so understanding this process can help you make the choices that are better for you. This is especially true for important decisions like forming relationships, getting married and having children.

  1. Understand Yourself

The use of only 16 personality types means a lot of people will share your results, providing a strong defense against feelings of insecurity. Once you get your results, you should conduct an online search of your type and read the many articles about it. You may be surprised to see how accurately they describe you and help you understand yourself.

3. Awareness of Preferences

Personality type can greatly influence your preferences for certain situations or ways of accomplishing tasks. For example, some MBTI types experience a strong sense of satisfaction after completing a crossword puzzle. Knowing your personality type can also help you identify your stressors, allowing you to handle them more effectively. Similarly, the MBTI can help explain why you’re attracted to certain people and careers.

  1. Improve Relationships

Each personality is unique, even within the same MTBI type. As a result, similarities and differences in personality can affect relationships in unexpected ways. While some relationships naturally become deeper and more satisfying over time, others require more work. Knowing your personality type can help you make a better effort to consciously strengthen your relationship. For example, you may learn that you need to come out of your shell more or tone down your naturally bubbly personality.

Arming yourself with this knowledge can also help you select partners that are more likely to be compatible with you. Professionally administered MBTI tests often include this type of advice in the results.

5. Increase Emotional Intelligence

Some people just don’t feel things as deeply as others, often because their feeling function is lower than their thinking function. Increasing emotional intelligence can help you understand the feelings of others, even if you don’t experience these emotions as strongly as they do.

Conclusion

Opinions on the MBTI vary greatly with regard to its utility. It’s important to remember that it’s primarily useful for overcoming relatively small, specific obstacles in reaching your goal. For example, it doesn’t address mental issues like personality or mood disorders.