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I think I'm spending too long on the Internet, I'm starting to get spots in front of my eyes.
Have you seen an optician?
No, just spots.
I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.
How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!
I want to explore the Internet, how much do your computers cost?
£500 a piece.
And how much does a whole one cost?
Since you've discovered the Internet, you don't pay any attention to me!
Who said that?
So what exactly can I learn on the Internet?
Anything you like - it can even teach you to talk like an Indian.

How?
See? It's working already.
Teacher: Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions.
Pupil: It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers.
Teacher: What are the four elements?
Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet.
Teacher: What do you mean the Internet?
Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net, I'm in my element.
We invisible men hate the Internet!
Don't fib - I can see right through you!
What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet?
Anything you like, they're not listening to you anyway.
Where does the Internet football team play?
Webley.
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