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A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient.
"Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist.

"As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient.
"And when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist.
"Oh," said the patient, "when I answer the telephone."

Receptionist: Hello? Doctors office. May I help you?
Caller: Yes! I feel funny. What should I do?
Receptionist: Try to get on television.

What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you?
A phone moan.

What did the big ape say when he dialed incorrectly?
"Oops! King Kong ring wrong."

How does a skeleton make calls?
On a bone phone!

How does a baboon make phone calls?
He just monkeys around on the line!

How does a barber make phone calls?
He cuts them short.

What do you get if you cross a telephone with an iron?
A smooth operator!

What kind of music do phones love to hear?
A symphony

Why does an octopus need so many phones?
So it can reach out and touch someone!

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