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Pacifist
Someone who punches you on the nose peacefully
Paddock
Where horse ships dock
Painful
A glass house (Please remember that people who live in glass houses should undress in the basement)
Palatable
Tasty table for monsters to eat
Palaver
A kind of sweater
Pantry
The room where you keep your underwear
Pants
What trousers do on a long run up a steep hill
Paperweight
Heavy school bag
Parachute
A double-barrelled shotgun
Paradox
Two doctors
Parapet
Pet parrot kept by parachutist
Paratrooper
An army drop out
Parity
Two parrots exactly the same
Parking Space
Always filled with somebody else's car
Partial Eclipse
Half trimmed edge
Party
Dad's supper
Password
Hand a note to someone in class
Pasteurise
Too far to see
Pavement Artist
Someone who draws pictures on his knees
Pea
A vegeta-pill
Pebble Dash
Running with a stone in your trainer
Pedigree
Degree for posh dogs
Pen Friends
Pigs that get on well together
Perch
Fish kept in a cage
Perspex
Plastic spectacles
Pharmacy
The science of agriculture
Phoney
Fake mobile phone
Phonograph
A chart used by the Post Office to record telephone sales
Physicist
A man who make ginger beer
Physiotherapy
Medicine mixed with lemonade
Picador
Select an entrance to a bullfight
Pickle
A cucumber in a spot of bother
Pigeon-Toed
Half pigeon, half toad
Pigment
Paints for pigs
Pigswill
How a dead pig leaves things to his family
Pillar Box
What posties sleep on at night
Pillow
Headquarters
Pine
What sad fir trees do
Ping-Pong
Table tennis played by skunks
Pipecleaner
A toothpick wearing long woolly underwear
Pizzicato
Pizza for cats
Plasma
Mum made by a plastic surgeon
Plus Fours
Trousers worn by maths teachers
Pofaced
The way you are supposed to look reading serious poetry
Politics
A parrot that's swallowed a watch
Pole Vault
Where the expensive poles are locked away
Polygamist
A parrot with more than one wife
Polygon
A dead parrot
Polystyrene
Plastic parrot
Pontoon
Song sung by card players
Populace
Frilly material that people like
Porcupine
An unhappy slice of bacon
Portable
A cheap piece of furniture to eat off
Posse
A cat from the Wild West
Poultry
A tree that chickens like roosting in
Prawn
One of the small pieces used in the game of chess
Prickly Pear
Two hedgehog
Printer
A man of letters
Professor
A textbook wired for sound
Propaganda
A well behaved and upper-class goose
Prune
A plum that's seen better days
Psychiatrist
Someone who doesn't have to worry as long as other people do
Puddle
What a cross-eyed teacher can't control
Pupils
What you find on the pavement when it has been raining cats and dogs
Punch Line
End of a boxing joke
Putty
Miniature golf
Pygmy
A tiny pig ( Shakespear wrote about one in his play Hamlet)
Pyramid
An organised pile of Egyptian rocks
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