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What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once ?
I'm on the horns of a dilemma here !
What sort of snake will tell on you ?
A grass snake !
Why did the doll blush ?
Because she saw the Teddy Bear !
What sort of ring is always square ?
A boxing ring !
What sort of queue is always straight ?
A snooker cue !
What sort of net is useless for catching fish ?
A football net !
Why do people leave letters at the football ground ?
They want to catch the last goal-post !

I've got a terrible fat belly ?
Have you tried to diet
Yes, but whatever colour I use it still looks fat !

What do you call a frog that helps children safely across the street ?
The green cross toad !
Did you hear about the posh chef with an attitude problem ?
He had a French fried potato on his shoulder !
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