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When you’re striving to achieve that happy relationship, it is easy to look at other couples and feel like there’s just something missing in your own. The fact is, relationships can be a bit of a mystery, and sometimes, two people seem like they just click. Nevertheless, the happiest couples you know—the ones in a long-term relationship who seem just as happy as they were in the beginning—likely have a few secrets. Take a look at five secrets happy couples know that most don’t. 

1. Arguments can be productive

If you want to know the secret to a good relationship, find a happy couple and watch them argue. This is pretty much impossible, but the thing is, arguments are not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, some professionals claim that couples that aren’t arguing are usually the couples that split because a lack of heated conflict can be a sign of indifference; no one cares enough to fight. Productive arguments involve active listening, making requests over complaints, and taking timeouts when needed. 

2. Autonomy is important

Autonomy is all about individual interests, values, and interests. No two people are ever going to be exactly alike, and you should never enter a relationship with expectations that your partner will be just like you. The happiest couples involve two people who retain their own individual personalities and interests and appreciate the other person in spite of their differences. In other words, you don’t sacrifice yourself and your interests to please your partner, and you should never expect them to either. 

3. Never stop having fun together

The happiest couples involve fun and, well, happiness. Remember what it was like when you first met your partner? Think about all the excitement that came from doing new things together, making each other laugh, and simply enjoying each other’s company. It is easy to let these things fall by the wayside once you move beyond the infatuation stage of a relationship, but these fun times are a bond that keeps two people together. 

4. It’s better to have hurt feelings than dishonesty

Trust is a pillar of a good relationship. The one thing that can ruin that supportive pillar is dishonesty. Any happy couple will tell you that being open, honest, and vulnerable is incredibly important, even when doing so may provoke an undesirable response from your partner. For example, if you’ve done something you know will cause your partner to be disappointed in you, fess up and face that disappointment head-on. Otherwise, if your partner discovers the issue later and sees that you lied, this puts a crack in ever-important trust. 

5. Long-term relationships require semi-long-term work

Good relationships don’t usually happen by accident—they take ongoing work from both parties. Psychology Today lists off a handful of things most couples have to work on: committed listening, honesty, being vulnerable with your partner, and learning to let go of control. The good news is, this period of "work" may not last forever, but the same effort should always be given even in the long term. In other words, happy couples usually go through a period of working hard to achieve contentedness, and then when new issues arise, they tackle them with an open mind instead of giving up. 

Ghosting is the practice of suddenly ending all communication with another person without any apparent reason or warning. It’s most often used in reference to social media or other electronic forms of communication. Although the term typically refers to dating and romantic relationships, it’s also used in Platonic or work situations. Although there are many advantages to virtual communication, the lack of face-to-face contact has contributed to an impersonal social environment. At worst, this type of social environment treats individuals as if they are disposable. Keep in mind that every time you ghost someone, you’re actually helping to normalize a behavior that’s ultimately unhealthy for society as a whole. 

Why We Ghost

Ghosting happens more often when the two parties haven’t met. The typical scenario is that two people start talking through a dating app, have a few virtual conversations, and one person stops answering or initiating text communications. There is a train of thought among many people that ghosting and being ghosted as part of the dating game in the 21st century. However, a more mature approach is to be direct but kind instead of just disappearing. The other person is often left confused about what happened, and they may even blame themselves. 

Many people ghost because they’ve realized that the relationship has no future. Although it is understandable to cut things off when you sense the relationship is going nowhere, you will be a better person if you resist the impulse to ghost someone. Besides needlessly hurting the other person, ghosting also makes you look bad. If you develop a reputation for ghosting, others will see you as too immature to be considered relationship material. This will ultimately be bad for your self-esteem. 

Is Ghosting Ever OK?

Nonetheless, there are some very valid reasons to ghost another person. For instance, if you suspect that you’ve been texting with a predatory or abusive person, the best thing to do is ghost that person for your own safety. Those with bad intentions often hang around dating sites, and bad intentions don’t always mean sexual predation. Scammers sometimes use dating apps to connect with kind-hearted people likely to fall for hard luck stories and send them money. Others are merely catfishing for their own entertainment. Listen to your instincts if they tell you to cut off communication with someone for the sake of your own safety.

If you feel tempted to ghost someone, take a hard look at your motives. Are there genuine red flags that would justify ghosting, or do you simply want to avoid a difficult conversation? Even though ghosting someone may seem like the easy way out, you will be a better person if you treat people the way you would wish to be treated yourself in the same situation. 

Some friendships are not meant to be. You may have been drawn to a person at first because you shared the same interests or had mutual friends. But over time, you’ve noticed that you just don’t enjoy being around that person anymore.

It’s possible that you may have just outgrown this relationship. But it’s also possible that you may be in a toxic friendship. As the name suggests, a toxic friendship can be poisonous to your mental well-being. 

Not sure if your friendship is healthy or not? Then, please check out these 5 signs of a toxic friendship.

Number one. Everything is always about them.

You may be having the worst day ever. But don’t expect any sympathy from a toxic friend. Life is always going to be about them. So, even if you’re feeling down and in need of comforting, you can expect your toxic friend to try to make the situation about themselves.

The same will be true if something good should happen to you. A toxic friend is always going to try and upstage you or find some other way to steal the limelight. 

Number two. You can’t trust the other person. 

When you have a true friend, you can trust them. If you make plans, they’ll be there. And if you tell them a secret, they’ll keep it to themselves. 

A toxic friend, on the other hand, will have no problem ditching you, especially if something better comes along. They also tend to be two-faced, telling you one thing. But then saying something different behind your back. 

Number three. They’re always gas lighting you. 

Gas lighting is a form of emotional abuse. It happens when someone tries to make you question your perception of reality. For example, let’s say that your toxic friend insults you. If you were to call them out on it, they would probably claim it was only a joke. Or they might even deny ever saying the insult. It’s also possible that your friend will try to play the victim by accusing you of being overly sensitive. 

Number four. Life around your friend is a constant drama. 

Some people thrive on drama and chaos. They love to create huge scenes, often making a big deal out of nothing. In fact, they’ll do just about anything to draw attention to themselves. 

It can be very exhausting to be around this type of person. Especially since, you’re often the one left to mop up the messes that your toxic friend has created. 

Number five. You feel worse when you’re with this person than when you’re not. 

Do you cringe when you see that your toxic friend is calling? Do you feel mentally exhausted after spending time with your friend? Those are signs that your friendship is not healthy. In a true friendship, you should feel valued and happy. 

There is also give and take in a true friendship. In a toxic relationship, it will feel like the other person is always taking from you — taking your time, your energy, or your resources.